this world so full of fear (how precious life can be)
by potahtopotato
Summary: In which the Battle of Hogwarts is over, Fred is dead, and Percy can't find Oliver. Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood, rated T because I used a bad word in the author's note.


**A/N:** I imagine at this point Percy and Oliver have been living together (and having sex) for a while, but, because they are dumb, neither of them has said anything about meaning anything more to each other than just fuckbuddies.

He's dead.

Fred is dead, is dead, is dead, he watched him die and now he's dead, and there are voices around him and it's over - is it over? - and now Fred is dead.

That doesn't seem right, somehow, because Percy always thought Fred would die in some sort of potions accident, an explosion that resulted from his and George's reckless experiments, and that's not what happened at all, because Fred is dead, is dead, is _dead_ , and it wasn't even his fault, it was - well, maybe Percy's, but it's too early to start blaming himself - and, well, it was a battle, but somehow it's not right that -

He was his little brother, and they didn't always get along - they never got along, never, ever, ever, but he was his little brother, and shouldn't that count for something? And shouldn't it - wasn't it - Percy's job to protect him? Even if he didn't need or want that protection, even if Percy was off being a prat, even if -

Someone is crying next to him. Percy realizes, vaguely, that it's his mother, who he saw today for the first time in months, and what if _she_ had died? When was the last time Percy told his own mother he loved her? Not in - years, it's been years - and what if she'd _died_?

The rest of his family materializes around them - Bill and Ginny and Charlie and Arthur and George, who is on the ground (why is George on the ground?) (oh) - and where's Ron, is Ron alive, is Ron okay -

Right, there he is. Everything's fine, he needs to breathe, except no one around him seems to be, everyone is holding their breath, and - is Charlie crying? Why is Charlie crying, Charlie shouldn't be crying, and -

In, out. In, out.

Percy breathes.

He makes eye contact with Ginny, then looks away. She still hasn't forgiven him (he still hasn't forgiven himself), but now is not the time - will there ever be a time, now that Fred is -

No, stop, breathe.

In, out. In, out.

Percy prides himself on self-control, and if this isn't the ultimate test then what could it possibly be, why else could this have happened but to -

Oh, god, Oliver. Oliver was here, Percy is sure: he saw him at one point, at the end of a hall filled with Death Eaters, but Percy couldn't spare the air to yell out a greeting, and by the time he'd disarmed the Death Eater Oliver was gone.

And oh god, what if Oliver's gone?

They're not anything, not officially, but what does official matter anymore, Percy thinks, in a twist of irony Fred surely would have appreciated, and he needs to -

"I'm going to," Percy says, and stops when he realizes that no one is listening.

He taps Bill on the shoulder - Bill, who is older and a Curse Breaker and who isn't crying, not yet at least, and that's more than can be said for the rest of the Weasleys and so Percy takes what he can get - and jerks his head to the side to indicate that he is going.

Bill nods, and Percy goes.

But what if there's another Death Eater, what if he never comes back, what if -

But Oliver -

Percy struggles against the current of people, and learns that not knowing where the person he is looking for is makes finding them that much harder, if they're even still alive to -

No, he's alive. He has to be alive, because Oliver can't be dead, Percy saw him just today (was it really today?), but then he saw Fred and look what happened there, but Oliver _can't_ -

There are so many people; a girl a few years younger than him pushes past him, and she's yelling "Hannah!" and Percy doesn't know who that is but he hopes she finds her, and shouldn't he be doing something? what's wrong with him? but whatever emotional fortitude he'd managed to gain is gone now, swept away as someone elbows him, someone is sitting and crying, someone screams and oh _god_ and -

"Susan!" another girl yells, and the person who'd elbowed him starts crying and they embrace and _where is Oliver_ -

In, out. In, out.

Percy breathes.

Panicking is not going to help anyone, least of all himself. People are probably counting on him, counting on figures of authority to do something, to help them, but Percy can barely breathe, how can he be expected to -

In, out. In, out.

Percy pushes through the crowd until he feels stone, cool and solid and reassuringly still, underneath his fingertips. He's in one of the passageways near the Great Hall, and the flow of people seems to be moving toward the Great Hall, which means that that's where Oliver will probably go (if he's alive) (shut up) (he is).

He's just made up his mind to join the crowd when someone grabs his shoulders and spins him around and _god where is his wand who is it is this is not how he wants to_ -

And thank fuck, it's Oliver.

Percy feels like he is on the verge of crying, but isn't it justified? Because Oliver is alive but Fred is dead, is dead, is _dead_ , Percy thinks he may have forgotten in the last few minutes, but the remembering comes back with a vengeance, and -

"You alright?"

Which is all it takes for Percy to break down. He buries his head in Oliver's chest (they are around the same height, so it takes a little doing, but he's so shaky on his legs he manages it anyway) and tries to -

In, out. In, out.

"You're okay," he finally chokes out, pulling back so that he can look at Oliver, who is bleeding in several places but otherwise unharmed.

Oliver nods.

Percy breathes and hugs him again.

It's comfortable, natural, and Percy can't help but notice how well they fit together (of course they do, they've been together for - but it's usually not like this, it's never been - Percy never said he wanted -)

Percy gives one last squeeze and steps back.

"I never told you I loved you," he says, and his voice is more or less normal, "which I now see was a rather stupid thing to do, because what if we'd both died and you hadn't known."

Oliver stares at him, and if he could Percy would probably feel self-conscious, but now that he's feeling even marginally better there's so much to do; he needs to set up Portkeys to St. Mungo's and tend to the wounded and count the dead and figure out who the new Minister is and -

"Right, so I love you, and will you be my boyfriend, and I've got to go now because Fred is dead and someone has to -"

"Fred died?"

Percy nods, and Oliver swallows, and neither of them says anything for a moment.

"I'll see you later, then?" Percy asks.

Oliver clears his throat. "Probably. And I - I love you too, you know."

"Right. Good. I'll - talk to you soon."

Oliver nods, and Percy drops his hands (when had they started gripping Oliver's shoulders so tightly?) and turns away. He weaves through the crowd, pushing and shoving because that's how you get your way, and it isn't until he sees his family again, still in the same positions that he left them in, that Percy realizes that he's no longer having trouble breathing.

In, out. In, out.

Fred is dead, but Oliver is alright, and there is so much work to do.

In, out. In, out.


End file.
